Childcare Costs- Are they really hidden?

Living in a gentrified city and attending mothers groups or even being part of Facebook groups with other mothers in your neighbourhoods has been equal part enlightening and equal parts frustrating. The socio-economic diversity of the parents who live in a city has never been more unequal. The same 1 kilometre radius will have daycares that are $4000 a month and public schools that are free. There are parents who live in this neighbourhood who do not have the same jobs and income as the parents who work in a nearby city so it’s expected that they would have very different costs of living/ savings/ activities. The one thing that has recently struck out to me is the fact entitlement that some parents will have in these parent group settings where they will start by asking for suggestions on what activities to do with their little ones nearby on weekends or when it’s a bad weather day. Inevitably, the rush of parents offering the museums nearby, many play centres, activity places and sports classes while chime in. Then the parent who asked for the suggestions will say how they are strapped for cash and can’t do any of those things and were hoping to find suggestions that are free or cheap and then the other parents will suggest the library (let’s be honest, there aren’t that many things these days that 2 year old and under kids can do that are free indoors in a city that has expensive real estate) and the asking parent will say that they already have been there “but thanks for the suggestion”.

There are really 2 outcomes to these group text situations – one, where the parents who were offering solutions feel guilty for suggesting expensive activities or not being helpful to a clearly struggling parent and two, where some parents feel frustrated and uncomfortable that there is a peer that is clearly in the same area as them and feels entitled to indoor activities but doesn’t feel that they should cost much (or at all) and hence, they should move to an area where real estate is cheaper.

This is similar on a broader level when I am unable to fathom why people complain about the cost of childcare centres/ nannies or admonish another parent for paying too much for childcare and pass a moral judgement. Without a doubt, most parents in cities who have 2 kids are paying $7000 a month for 2 kids under the age of 4 for a daycare. The assumption is that before they chose to have kids, they had this $7000 a month that was being saved and now that’s not being saved anymore or if they didn’t have $7000 extra a month then they are depleting their savings from before and they are fine with this until their kids enter public schools at an older age. The thing that I find slightly bemusing and surprising is the number of parents who expected their finances to not change by very much (not even $1000 a month) after having a child and try to create schedules of filling in childcare gaps for 2-4 hours a day and then trying to not pay for childcare when the baby has a nap etc all the time while continuing to work their full time 8-9 hours a day job. It’s befuddling and makes you wonder how they expected this to work to start with.

Other people’s life’s choices are their own and should rarely be judged, unless they harm another being but in the microcosm that makes a city and especially a gentrified one at that, where everyone has some struggle or another and where people live in close quarters, the differences in the economic status of people who seem to be going through the same difficult stages of early parenthood can be very uncomfortable for all involved. I just wonder if these costs were ever really hidden or were they a surprise to the people who choose to have kids and struggle with the cost of it? These costs have always been pretty plain in sight and it’s a well known fact that having a child will cost you $1 million from birth to when they turn 18. Even if they weren’t in plain sight if a pregnancy was planned, you would presumably check these things beforehand so it’s just surprising that these costs come up as a complaint later. Finally, it is possible that some of these parents had never wanted to spend money on these additional activities at all and had planned to keep their kids at home but then after being exposed to the lifestyles of the other parents in their gentrified city, they now aspire to and feel entitled to the same activities which they see other kids doing. In that instance, it really becomes the onus of the parent to provide for, save for, hustle for the activities that they want for their kids. I think it’s a thorough shame that real estate in cities is so expensive that it makes activities so expensive and most parents these days spend a huge percentage of their pay check on their kids and nothing else but I wouldn’t say that these costs are hidden.