Mommy Burn-Out

I’ve always despised the “busy” era we live in where booking a coffee with someone requires weeks of notice and nothing is really spontaneous anymore. Worse still, is the glorification of being busy that our culture applauds. Being busy somehow means purposeful whereas I think it lacks intention and meaning. Since becoming a mother and working full-time in a demanding job (time wise and energy wise), anytime I’ve lamented to anyone about how little time I have I’ve been given suggestions on how to manage and organize, rather than agree that we all just need to be still (and chill!). Here is a diary of what a mommy burn out looks like

6 AM – Wake up at the sound of the baby monitor. Beg for baby to go back to sleep. Sometimes it works. Now baby is asleep but mommy is stressing about all the undone dishes from the night before and work emails
7 AM – Baby is fully demanding attention now, get out of bed, quickly put some oats on the stove and then muster up cheer and songs to say goodmorning to the baby, make him stretch, get punched in the face trying to change his diaper
7.30 AM – Continue to make the rest of his breakfast as he starts to throw all his toys and turn them upside now. Also simultaneously put tea on and do the dishes from last night
7.45 AM – Change a poopy diaper and get kicked somemore. Try to talk to your baby who is whining and demanding your attention while trying to log into your work laptop before 8 am and reply to the urgent things you didn’t get to the day before
8 AM – Start the first meeting while trying to feed your baby who doesn’t want to eat
8.30 AM – Try to frantically start catching up on appointments, sending out meeting reminders, doing the actual work you need to and giving up the battle to feed your child who has eaten about 3 spoons of breakfast (accidentally, when you shovelled in the spoons as they opened their mouth to say “NOO!”) and just count down till the nanny comes. At this point it feels like you’ve already done a part time job and are now trying to re-shift your energy
9.00 AM – The main thing here is to now accept that no matter how your work goes, even though you already feel so defeated by being what a bad mom you are at not being able to feed your son, you try to compartmentalise that when another client says no to you for something you’ve been working on – you try not to clump the negative feelings all over you.
12 PM – Start to miss your child and that you’re basically ignoring his prime waking hours but then try to not annoy your nanny by disrupting their schedule
5 PM – Try to type as furiously as possible so you can relieve your nanny and then try to make up for the fact that you have been absent all day by offering your baby snacks, then taking them outdoors, reading them books, playing with a developmental toy, giving them a bath – essentially trying to squeeze in what your nanny has been doing for the last 8 hours so that you can feel like you did the things a mother is supposed to.
8 PM – Finally deposit the child who does not want to sleep into their crib, so you sit next to them holding their hand while they whine and talk and sing for 1 hour 45 minutes and finally fall asleep. At some point you might have also dozed off from the sheer mental exhaustion and frustration that you are sitting in the dark when you could be having dinner, doing the dishes, picking up packages, taking out the trash, maybe taking a shower yourself (novelty!) or taking a break.
10 PM – Stumble out of the baby’s room and try to eat and do whatever little you can because your mind is just in a very very, weird place. You did nothing productive for the last 5 hours except be there with your child and yet, it doesn’t feel like you accomplished anything. You try to do a half assed job of work/ housework but eventually give up and pass out.

It’s always surprising to me how little I can do in 5 hours and yet how guilty I feel if I decide to hire a babysitter for 2 hours so I can work out or read a book. I think that some kids are better at sleeping and eating and perhaps those moms also feel burnout but without the microaggressions and intense moments of frustration and dread that take place for some of us during meal times and bedtimes. These are natural and human moments and I expect my child to have wants and needs, I just find it impossible on some days to give what a full time job needs and what a full time baby needs with not an hour of break. The break that you can get through paying a babysitter comes with guilt so whilst you get those hours to “relax productively”, the mental exhaustion of the guilt remains and continues to weigh down on you.

Being a mother, is the most boring and the most busy job all at once. In theory, none of the moments are surprising but going through them, they’re intense and surprising all the same.

How are your days as a mother, regardless of working full time/ part time or as a stay at home mother?